Catharsis

2002-03-19T16:26:00.000-06:00

Man oh man oh man oh man!

Last week was one wild ride! I started my new job last Monday and I love it already! I have the good fortune to work with a fantastic group of people. I love my new boss and I adore my office-mate. There's a lot to learn and it's a bit overwhelming but I'm confident I'll be okay. I've also been in training so what I'm not learning here in my office, I'm learning in class.

Thanks everyone for your expressions of concern recently due to my silence. Everything's fine I'm just really busy. And I think it's probably going to stay this way for awhile. I'm not able to blog at work and I rarely have time in the evening to get online.

It's okay, there isn't much to discuss right now anyway.

You all go on now and have fun. I'll be along after awhile.

2002-03-07T08:47:00.000-06:00

Well, another fantastic evening with my sweet guy! Dinner was great (it always is) but for some reason, I've been much less interested in food lately. Wonder what's up with that? The concert was great, too. Not what we expected. Neither of us are familiar with Mary Black but we knew of her Irish heritage and her long-standing Celtic popularity. She did sing a couple traditional songs but the rest were more of a pop/folk style. It was still great -- how can you argue with live music? It has to be really awful for me to be disappointed. I absolutely love watching musicians who love what they do, pouring their souls into their work, losing themselves in the moment of music. It's just beautiful and a feeling I completely understand.

I need to hold out one more season. After we've moved and established the boys in the new school and completed my certification, I'm hoping to start with voice lessons again. I'm longing to sing with the chorus again.

Of course, my sweetie is talking about learning the bass guitar. Now THAT sounds interesting!

2002-03-06T09:22:00.000-06:00

Nothing much here, kids.

I'm down to the wire at my current job and start my new job Monday (3/11). Lots of training classes at first. I'm very excited about the whole prospect but very sad to leave at the same time.

My mom's doing very well and is having no further problems. She's taking it easy though. We're going over this weekend to help them assemble their tax information and I'll probably do some cleaning for her when I'm there. I'm certain my dad is glad my mom's home because now he doesn't have to put up with the rest of us!

Tonight is date night! WOOHOO! We're going to our favorite Mexican restaurant and then to see Mary Black at the Sheldon. A lovely evening will be had by all, I'm certain!

That's about it for me.

Yeah, I know. I'm wild, ain't I?

2002-03-04T08:39:00.000-06:00

Thanks so much to all of you who sent your positive energy! My mother is home now and we're all happy about that!

I've decided on my baking project -- I think an assortment of items is called for. How about some miniature bundt cakes (a chocolate and a pecan, and maybe a rum) along with some cookies (molasses, snickerdoodles, and probably some chocolate chips). Even though I find chocolate chips to be a total waste of time and calories, I know others like them so I'll oblige. (Nico, if I have time, I'll do a few miniature pies as well. Just for you!)

Anyway, it was a good weekend and I'm glad everything's back to normal around my house.

Thanks again for all your support. You guys are the best!!!

2002-03-01T12:37:00.000-06:00

Well, kids, life was crazy yesterday.

Before I get started, I'd just like to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to every EMT and paramedic everywhere!. If you are an emergency service worker of any type, I'd love to hug you and kiss you full on the mouth! You guys just don't get enough credit!

My mother felt as if she were having a heart attack Thursday morning so I rushed over there around 5:00 AM and got there the same time as the ambulance. My mother's not the type to complain and usually waits too long to call the doctor about anything because she wants to see if it gets better on its own. So this call was especially alarming! She made all the right decisions and called all the right people though, and I'm very glad the ambulance was called! Everyone was professional and thorough and did their best to put my mother at ease and reassure the rest of us as well. It was stressful for a bit when every single hospital in the metropolitan area (that's about 20 hospitals) was on diversion and refusing to see my mom in their ER. One of the drivers asked for a personal favor from someone he knows at one of the closer hospitals and they took her. The paramedics stuck around the ER to see how she was doing and before they left, visited with her. As she was apologizing for interrupting their sleep, they reassured her that she did the right thing and to never hesitate to call them! They frequently get calls just to check on elderly people and don't mind doing a little visiting when not in the middle of an emergency.

She is now in the hospital and enduring all the usual cardiovascular tests (echocardiogram, Thallium stress test, and possibly an angiogram). She's having a prolonged bout of atrial fibrillation and her chest pain is diagnosed as angina. Her EKG and cardiac enzymes reveal that she did not have a heart attack (Thank you, baby Jesus!) They're being very thorough with her and I'm very happy with her care. I'm not sure if she is because she's been NPO since midnight last night and is probably getting quite hungry by this time! LOL

My brothers and their wives have been absolutely fantastic about everything! (I'm feeling much more connected to everyone now. Wish it hadn't taken something so scarey but I'm glad it happened nonetheless!) We've come up with a schedule so we can take turns being with my father so he doesn't spend any time at all alone. His neighbors have also come to the fore and I appreciate their support ever so much!

It's scarey to see the deterioration of your parents -- no matter how you feel about them at other times. I just don't like being reminded of their mortality! For now, the prognosis is good for my mother and I believe she'll be out of the hospital in a matter of days.

I'd also like to thank all of you reading this right now for your thoughts and prayers. I want you to know how much I appreciate your support. I know your thoughts are with me, even if you don't leave a comment, because you guys are just all so great!!

You know, I think I'll do a little baking this weekend and take something to all the firehouses in the area. What do you think: cookies, cake, or pie?

2002-02-27T12:37:00.000-06:00

Don't worry. Things are okay here. I'm just extremely busy. I'm trying to finish up things here at work and I have absolutely no time whatsoever at home for any internet stuff. And like so many other things in my life, I fear that this whole blogging thing is a passing thing. I used to spend a lot of time in a chatroom. I mean -- A LOT! An inordinate amount of time. I would cram what little real life I had into the spare moments I was away from my computer. I'd run straight back to the room as soon as I got home or finished a task at home. I couldn't imagine not being online every single day -- at least twice a day. And I don't think there's anything really wrong with that -- I'm not making any sweeping statements here, just relating my story -- it's merely a reflection of how little interest I had in being around other people at that time. Not really so surprising given the circumstances. Anyway, I started to become more active and more social and finally the day came when I didn't have time (or make time) to get online as much. It just kind of fell away from my life.

I feel the same thing starting to happen with blogging. I've lost the desire to write as much. I still read every single one of you guys and I enjoy your stories and I comment once in awhile but I don't have as much to say about my own life. My interest seems to be taken up with other things right now.

Lee, I know you'll read this and wonder if I'm going to make the move. Truth is, I don't know. I don't see myself staying online for a great deal of time. I read blogs that have been in existence for a year or more and wonder if I would enjoy it for that long. I don't know.

Please be patient with me while I sort this out. Thanks, kids!

And now for something completely different -- a little list about me.

1. We're planning on moving this summer and I'm very excited about it.
2. The house needs a lot of work to get it ready for the market (painting, minor repair, and definite deep cleaning).
3. I save everything until I can stand it no longer and then I do a major purge.
4. I remember something I wanted to keep is now gone and I punish myself endlessly because of it.
5. I have a graduate degree in procrastination.
6. I set unattainable goals for myself.
7. I have repetitive motion syndrome and often experience shoulder or neck pain due to a poorly configured workstation.
8. The ergonomic specialist at work has made suggestions but it won't be changed any time soon.
9. My new office is more spacious and hopefully, more ergonomically correct.
10. My children are looking forward to living in a new house.
11. The younger son wants to paint his room black.
12. I have a headache.
13. My older son wants to bleach his hair, "not just regular blonde but a clear blonde."
14. Please pass the Excedrin.
15. They're both great boys and we have a wonderful family.
16. We all love and respect each other.
17. My father has advanced Parkinson's Disease.
18. My elderly parents moved 100 miles from their home to live near me.
19. I'm thankful they have their own house.
20. I love them very much.
21. They can't be in the same room for 10 minutes without sniping or arguing.
22. I have finally realized that I can't fix their marriage altho I still wish I could.
23. I feel disconnected from my brothers.
24. I would love to sing chamber music again.
25. I need to take voice lessons to rid myself of some bad vocal/breathing habits.
26. See #5.
27. I would love to learn to play the upright bass.
28. See #5.
29. I wanted to study at the Chicago Conservatory of Music.
30. Aside from a few minor irritants, I totally enjoy every minute of my life and have no regrets.
31. I love being outside.
32. Walking is one of my true joys.
33. The gravitational pull of the earth increases as soon as I put on rollerblades.
34. I'd love to have a miniature horse.
35. And a llama.
36. And puppies or kittens or even baby rabbits so my children could share in the experience.
37. I want to get organized.
38. See #5.
39. I love my new job already even though I won't start for another 1.5 weeks.
40. I'm a fantastic cook and can make just about anything without a recipe.
41. I own over 50 cookbooks.
42. I love to read them but rarely use them for food preparation.
43. I have no self-control.
44. I have loads of guilt.
45. I haven't sent out Christmas cards in over 5 years.
46. See #5.
47. I make friends very easily.
48. I have made a public spectacle of myself.
49. I love to read.
50. I'm very creative.
51. I have many unfinished projects at home.
52. See #5.
53. My dressy winter coat has no buttons.
54. I used to date a tailor.
55. My mother quilts.
56. I know how to sew on buttons.
57. See #5.
58. I used to go to church often.
59. I gave it up for Lent.
60. I'm not sure how I feel about organized religion anymore.
61. I feel I'm deeply spiritual.
62. I don't drink enough water.
63. It's not that I'm indecisive, just that very few things really matter to me.
64. My loved ones matter more than anything else.
65. Overwhelming feelings of love and joy reduce me to tears.
66. I used to cry every day.
67. Not anymore.
68. I used to play the piano every day.
69. Not anymore.
70. I afraid of being in water over my head.
71. I can't swim.
72. I can do the backstroke.
73. I don't consider the backstroke swimming.
74. I want to freestyle.
75. I love to travel.
76. My singing has given me opportunities to travel.
77. My favorite city is Chicago.
78. I'd like to win the lottery.
79. I really should start buying the tickets.
80. See #5.

2002-02-22T08:33:00.000-06:00

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I looked at the stack of books under my night table.

And I said to myself, "Self, you really need to go through those books and put them away. Now would be a good time."

Myself replied, "You want to do it now? Right NOW? Why not tomorrow? Or over the weekend? Plenty of time over the weekend!"

Me: "Well, okay. But I really DO want to do this! Promise me you'll work with me on this."

Myself: "Yeah, whatever."

I glanced at the stack of books again and noticed the title of the book on the very top. I really should read that sometime.

Yeah, I'll get around to it sometime.

2002-02-21T07:54:00.000-06:00

Last night was great! We went to a nearby pub for dinner. I had the fish and chips with a Double Dragon. Man, that's good beer!!! My sweetie had the bison meatloaf with mashed potatoes and flash-fried spinach and we shared some cheese scones. The spinach probably started out as a good idea but it was really not good. I've made spinach like this and you've got to do nothing else but tend to it or else it cooks too much and you're left with glop. That's why about the only thing I do with fresh spinach is throw it in a salad. Anyway, the rest was good and it had been ages since I'd had a Double Dragon! YUM!

Then we went to see the 20-piece jazz ensemble perform in one of the oldest buildings at the university. It was a great space and we truly enjoyed it! I always wish for musical perfection -- I want the entrances and cut-offs to be clean, I want the rhythm tight, etc. Well, that was too much to hope for last night but I truly enjoyed it all the same. There was one point that they just completely lost it and I really thought they'd have to give up and start fresh. But they slogged on and made it through to the other side. I was very proud of them!! I've been in a situation like that and it's just not fun. But the program was varied and we both enjoyed that! We heard some new stuff (BLECH!), a couple mambas, and a couple standards. We were introduced to some new composers who we really enjoyed and I'm certain we'll check out some of their own recordings.

And it was fun to see the eclectic mix of people attending. The concert was in a fairly large space and tables and chairs were available for seating as well as some very nice comfy upholstered chairs (those are the ones we snagged). But it was very informal -- certainly not arranged in the typical manner with rows of folding chairs, etc. There were some students who were working as they listened and then there were others who were obviously there just for the music. The mood was relaxed and I always prefer that over stuffy occasions.

So, aside from some gastric distress (I think I may have to swear off the malt vinegar), I had a great time!

2002-02-20T07:58:00.000-06:00

Jazz tonight, kids. What could be better than that?

2002-02-19T09:53:00.000-06:00

Hey there, kids! Did you miss me? Thanks, I missed you too!

Where do I start? The Love Monkey and I were gone for the weekend. We both took Friday off (I took Monday as well -- happy happy joy joy!) and escaped for a wonderful, romantic weekend! It was a journey back in time for me and I hope I didn't bore him too awfully much!

We left Friday around noon and took the scenic route. We stopped by to visit some friends of mine who own an orchard. We caught up on all the family news and stocked up on all our apple supplies! Even got enough to share with my parents. (And the car smelled wonderfully fruity all weekend!)

We drove through the chain of small towns that were an essential part of my childhood. We drove by my old high school (was is really that small when I was going there?) and stopped by a used book store on the town square. I just couldn't believe how old and tired the town seems. We ate in another extremely small town and again, I marveled at how things have stayed the same! We arrived in Springfield around 5:15 -- smack in the middle of what should be rush-hour but here it was no problem whatsoever.

We checked into the hotel and checked out our room (if you know what I mean). Well, we had to work up an appetite, you know. It was getting close to dinner time and I knew exactly where I wanted to go: my favorite dive in all of Springfield!

Springfield, Illinois is known for their horseshoe sandwiches and I knew just the place to get a fantastic horseshoe!. A horseshoe is an open-faced sandwich of bread, meat, french fries, and rarebit sauce (a rather spicey, cheesy sauce) served on a platter. Those with smaller (or NORMAL) appetites should order a ponyshoe. We went to the dive and had a great dinner. The live entertainment left a little to be desired so we ventured to the west side of town and enjoyed a wonderful evening of jazz. (The pianist must have played for a church choir somewhere because they played a couple jazzed-up hymns. Oh Lordy, Lordy, don't make me sit through that again!) We stayed for a couple sets and enjoyed it greatly, all in all.

The next day we got a late start (no, I'm NOT complaining at all!!) and spent the day being tourists, which I always love. You know, that's the kind of stuff that you rarely do when you live somewhere. We toured the Frank Lloyd Wright house and then the historic Lincoln neighborhood. I had been through the FLW house (known as the Dana-Thomas house) and I was happy to go again. I'm always amazed at how old the house is! It was designed and built around 1904, completed in 1906. It's only when we notice the light fixtures, plumbing, or the kitchen that I'm reminded of how very old the house is. The rest of the spaces are absolutely timeless! Then, I wanted to do some driving around while it was still light. I wanted to go to the parks where I used to run or walk the dog. I wanted to drive the Boulevard. I wanted to drive past my old apartment downtown. It was been at least 20 years since I've been to any of those places so I spent a lot of time oohing and aahing over how stuff has changed or how it's just as I remembered it! (And yes, I do have the most wonderful guy in the world. He listened to all my boring stories and oohed and aahed along with me. He is just absolutely the best!)

We ended up doing a bit of shopping at the Landsend Outlet store (I got a beautiful cashmere sweater - YUM) and then decided it was time to eat. We had a restaurant in mind but failed to make reservations so they had no room for us. They instead, referred us to another place down the street which had a much more romantic ambiance and the food was simply fantastic! While my baby had a salad, I started with smoked trout served on baby endive leaves with a walnut-cream cheese filling. Oh. My. God. Follow this with steak for each of us (done to perfection, I might add), fresh green beans, garlic potatoes, and the most wonderful homemade rolls I've had in ages! The mood was very romantic -- we gazed lovingly into each other's eyes and shared our feelings openly.

When we left the restaurant, we both were in a festive mood and decided that a brisk walk through the downtown streets was just what we needed. We really wanted to hear some blues and had a couple leads so we decided to head back to the dive from the night before and check out their entertainment. We stayed for a drink and then walked back to the car. We had originally planned to go to the jazz club at the top of the hotel but then decided we didn't want to share the rest of our evening with anyone else.

The next morning, we had plans to meet a high school friend of mine for brunch so we had to get motived earlier than the day before. We had a perfectly lovely brunch and it was so wonderful to see my girlfriend and meet her boyfriend. It's wonderful to have friends that you don't see for years and years but can pick up where you left off so quickly! I realized how much I'd missed her and how I don't want to let her friendship go! The four of us enjoyed each other immensely and made tentative plans to get together again soon. It was over too quickly and I found myself wishing we had more time. But she had a commitment for the afternoon so we left each other promising to stay in touch.

We took a leisurely drive home and enjoyed singing along with the CDs we'd brought with us for the drive. We each talked about our past lives and the affect time has had on us.

This was a great trip home for me. I've always thought of Springfield as my home but because I had no real family ties there, I hadn't visited in ages. Time passes and going home becomes less and less important. There's always something else to do. But this was a good thing for me. A flood of wonderful memories returned to me. This was the city where I graduated into adulthood -- my first full-time job, my first apartment, etc. So nice to remember some of those things and to be able to share them with my sweetheart.

2002-02-14T12:38:00.000-06:00

It's crazy today, kids! I just have no time to write today. Fear not, go to Paige's Pages (see link at left -- and yes, I AM too lazy to tag it but it's my page and I can do what I want -- so there) and you will have plenty of stimulating reading!

For now, I'll just wish everyone a very happy day. I hope you enjoy spending time with someone you love and that doesn't mean that you have to be with someone other than yourself.

Big old wet, squishy kisses for everyone!

2002-02-13T08:44:00.000-06:00

I gave him my youth and I wish I could have it back. I miss the person I was when I married him -- full of dreams and good intentions. I was going to make this guy happy even if it was my undoing. I handed him everything I had and asked for very little in return -- a kind ear after a long day, a hug to greet me or when I needed one, friendship, loyalty, and understanding. I had a lot of expectations about our marriage.

You know, that's what it all comes down it, isn't it? Expectations. I've found that I hold my expectations in my heart. I hope for something, long for it even. When it comes to fruition, I'm overjoyed! If it doesn't, I'm disappointed. Does this mean that I shouldn't have expectations? Some have told me that's the only way. If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed. You know, I tried living that way. I really did. But I hated what I became. I lost my sense of hope, I lost my ability to dream. I became cold and unfeeling. I had no empathy. And I felt horrible about myself.

Of course this wasn't an overnight change and certainly our marriage had many plateaus and high points. But I learned very early on not to dream. I remember it very well. Something you may already know about me is that I was raised on a farm. We raised hogs, beans, and corn. (We also raised beagles and lots and lots of cats but those were more in the realm of rodent control rather than cash crop!) And we had a HUGE garden! All winter long, we would each pore over all the seed catalogs. The arrival of the Burpee seed catalog was met with joy and much squealing! That catalog was always in someone's hands. And then came the day to plan the garden and actually order the seeds. We would debate over which cucumbers were best for making sweet pickles, which radishes had that great bite but didn't give you gas, do we really want to plant carrots again this year, etc. We would diagram the garden, planning how much space to devote to each vegetable. It was exhiliarating! There would always be some flower seeds ordered as well just to give the garden some color -- usually zinnias or marigolds. We would place the order and then wait on pins and needles for the arrival of the package! I don't think you have to be a farmer to appreciate the potential of life within a seed but I certainly think that farmers have that appreciation in abundance. As we planted the garden, I would hold the precious seeds in my hand, marveling at the different sizes, etc. I remember looking at carrot seeds (which are tiny, tiny things) and wondering how a whole plant could spring from this tiny granule.

We married in the fall and the next fall we purchased our first home. That winter, my mother sent me a package and she included a copy of the Burpee seed catalog! OH JOY! I remember sitting on the couch in front of the huge picture window in the living room, flipping through the catalog, looking at the flowers, envisioning in my mind what would look good in our yard. It was like being home. He found me on the couch, diagraming the back yard and planning the little flower garden that I wanted to start. I just wanted a few flowers along the fence in the back -- I'd figured about $10-$15 worth of seeds. Of course, once I added in all the time and effort to prepare the soil, plant, and then maintain the garden, I'd probably trim that back to about $5! LOL But he immediately told me that we didn't need that sort of nonsense, not to even think about it. He didn't like to garden and so he wouldn't be helping me and he knew I wouldn't do it on my own. Therefore, there was no need to even look at this catalog. He then took it and threw it away.

His words cut through me. I had just had a dream, my very own dream, torn from me and thrown aside. It was worthless and silly and so was I for even thinking it. It was then I realized to be more careful -- not to let him see so much of my emotional side. It was then that I started to build the wall around me that I would rely on to hide my feelings from him, to hide what really mattered to me.

Over the years, I learned many other lessons. I learned to never tell him my true feelings. You know, the stuff that you don't like to feel but feel anyway. The stuff that you need to talk about with another human. You need to hear some reassurance -- that everyone has dark feelings sometimes and here's a hug to help you feel better. I wanted to hold his hand and rely on him for emotional support. It was difficult to learn this lesson because I wanted him to understand me. I felt that if I shared my feelings -- opened my heart to him -- he would understand me and maybe even like me. But my confessions often were used as weapons against me. He would use them to belittle me or embarrass me. He would often turn my words against me and I would once again resolve never to trust him with my feelings.

I spent my youth trying to please him and myself at the same time. I'd gladly give him the 18 years we spent together but I really would like my youth back. I want the energy and resilience I possessed. I want the ability to dream again. I want the spirit of innocence to revisit me. And I want the feeling of invincibility again.

Mostly I want the ENERGY!

And so I think about my expectations now. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. What is it that I'm expecting? Flowers sent to my office or some other visible sign of my lover's love for me? Or an intensely private moment shared just between the two of us? You know, I have few expectations for tomorrow. Not because I'm protecting myself but because he expresses his love for me in many ways, every single day. This morning, as we rode to work, he reached for my hand, brought it to his lips, and gently kissed it. He pressed it against his cheek for a bit and closed his eyes. The look on his face as he then looked at me and said, "I love you" filled my heart more than any card or box of candy ever could. The private moments between us are balanced with public expressions of our devotion to one another. Group hugs are a standard at our home. The boys often find us hugging in the kitchen or cuddled on the sofa. They are always welcomed into our circle of love and I know they thrive on it!

So, if I have all this wonderfulness in my life, why am I thinking of the past? The only answer I can give is that I'm still healing. There was a lot of hurt there and I guess there still is. I'm starting to view myself as a whole person again, with some valuable gifts to offer someone. I'm regaining my empathy. I'm learning to dream again. And, I'm learning to fully open my heart to someone again. I'm learning to trust someone with my feelings and I'm building a life that promises to be enriching and satisfying for myself and our children. I'm learning about self-discovery again as well as self-realization. I do have potential and now, someone to urge me to realize it! The juxtaposition of positive growth and negative past is inescapable at this point. As I gain new ground in growth, I let go of old patterns of behavior and thinking. Instead of looking to the future to solve everything, I'm able to enjoy the present! And because of that, the past is no longer the spectre it used to be.

2002-02-12T09:20:00.000-06:00

The last few days have been pretty wild. The bottom line is that I have a new job! Yes, kids, that's right. They hunt me down and offer me jobs around here. LOL

I've been thinking about turning down a new career path recently. Actually, I would be building on past (albeit fleeting) experience. I have been thinking of becoming certified as a professional medical billing coder. I've worked in this field before and altho I achieved a certain level of success, the office closed before I could get a good handle on the whole scenario. I thought about continuing in that field but ultimately decided to return to research. But I've done nothing but think about it since I left so I decided to work towards my certification. It would prepare me for a new job if/when my boss decides to move on as well. To that end, I've had some conversations with members of different billing offices here at the university. I had one exhilarating conversation that really got me fired up. Her enthusiasm is very contagious! Well, one thing has led to another, a job has opened up, I was notified of the position last Wednesday, I interviewed Thursday afternoon, and was offered the position Friday morning!

So now, I look at the projects I need to make significant progress on; the notes and guidelines I need to shore up for my absence; the procedure books that need to be in place before I leave; the new software that I need to learn then train others on before I go. It's going to be hectic the next few weeks but even that will be stimulating!

Yes kids, life is good!

2002-02-11T08:15:00.000-06:00

Well kids, how was the weekend? Hope everyone had fun! I certainly did! Got a lot of stuff done at home. Played a new game last night (Cranium Cadoo -- REALLY, REALLY fun) and then watched Best of Show (movie about dog shows). It was really cute and we all enjoyed it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must dig out from under the pile of stuff I have on my desk.

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

2002-02-08T09:59:00.000-06:00

THIS is a riot!

2002-02-08T09:04:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've got it now. Thanks, Tina and Hoopty for previous information that was invaluable for this post.

Yep, that's me down there. Thought I'd follow Eric's lead and post some pics of me from my youth (it's ancient history now, kids). Yes, I did a couple pagents for the fun of it. I never thought of myself as all that cute so when I was approached about the whole thing, it was a major ego boost for me. Anyway, I got some scholarship money out of it as well as some much needed confidence. I was young, it was fun -- that's about it.

I wish I had some funky pics like Eric's (yes, Eric, they are VERY funky!) but I don't. No shots of me onstage or dressed in weird clothing. No dramatic haircuts like Paige, either. Wish I did. This seems rather boring.

Anyway, here's another one . This was during my STAR IS BORN ala Barbra Streisand. Oh yes, she was my idol!

Oh yeah, I'm a party girl!

This one isn't all that old. Remember the wedding I told you about recently? Well, that shot was taken that weekend. The guy I'm talking to is my best friend and it was his wedding I was describing. I could have cropped it but I left the background in so you could get a feel of the landscape and the people.

Well, that's all the Photoshopping I'm doing today.

Enjoy, kids.

2002-02-08T08:41:00.000-06:00

2002-02-08T08:35:00.000-06:00

2002-02-07T16:22:00.000-06:00

Okay, I got this ditty in the mail today and I think it is absolutely hilarious! I love the dog-cat rivalry Gary Larson used to draw in the Far Side. Remember the one with the dryer door open and the dog posting a sign on it saying, "Cat Fud"? I still laugh aloud when I think about it. So, with that in mind, I give you: HOW TO WASH THE CAT

To Whom It May Concern:

Please wash the cat. I've found the following steps to be quite efficient and enjoyable for the cat.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will
self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. CAUTION: (Do not get any
part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find.)

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash" And "rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog

And before anyone thinks I'm a cat-hater, please just let me state that I adore cats. I don't happen to have any at the time but don't think I haven't thought about it. Come on, you remember me. I'm the sucker with FOUR, count them, FOUR, bunnies. I love anything warm and fuzzy. I'd have a cat in a minute if I could afford to feed and care for another little tiny life. But remember, I'd have yet another litter box to clean -- not real high on my list of Saturday night activities.

Okay, kids. I'm out of here. I hope you enjoy yourselves!

2002-02-07T08:02:00.000-06:00

It's been a hell of a few days, kids, and I think it's going to get worse. I don't have a lot of time to devote to blogging anyway and I think it's about to decrease even more.

I did, however, spend a few minutes last night going through some old photos and I have some things to share. Brought back many, many memories. I'll get them scanned today and will try to post them soon. As always, bare with me (yes, I do mean BARE!) while I work my way through this new adventure in posting.

Okay, show's over, folks. Move along.

2002-02-06T08:37:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned my bunnies before, haven't I? Well, just in case: we have 4 house rabbits. Yes, 4! Yes, I know, that seems a bit excessive, doesn't it? I hope I'm not going to be one of those old women with a house full of rabbits instead of cats. Well, I didn't intend to have 4 rabbits, it just kind of happened. I got the first one (Charles) to kind of replace one that I accidentally killed (that's a story for another day). Charles is a very sweet silver marten mini-rex. He feels like velvet! He's a funny little guy -- rather old now and I don't think he can see very well. Anyway, he was kind of lonely so I got him a little friend. (His little friend was actually white with orange spots. Such a little cutie.) Anyway, they bonded immediately and were quite happy! Then, my neighbor's daughter decided she didn't want her bunny of about 5 years (another mini-Rex (he's chocolate brown, like the Easter Bunny!!) and so I acquired him as well. Then, one evening, I went to a House Rabbit Society meeting (which is held at the local Humane Society and met a cute little grey bunny (I don't think she's a Chin but she looks just like this). She was so very sweet and was just begging to come home with me. Yes, I'm a sucker!

So, that's how I ended up with 4, count 'em, FOUR, bunnies!

Charles' little friend died quite suddenly not long ago. It was my chance to be a 3-rabbit woman but I blew it. Well, he was sooooooooooo very lonely. It was quite pitiful. So now, he has another little friend. Another brown mini-Rex. She's a very sweet bun and the softest bunny I've ever felt. They've been living next to each other for quite some time but I haven't been able to put them together. Charles puts his ears back and makes his mean face and lunges at her if she goes anywhere near him or his food dishes.

Last night, I decided to forge ahead with the bonding. You can play tricks with bunnies to get them to bond. One is to get them used to seeing and smelling their intended -- cage placement is vital here. Make them neighbors. They'll soon learn to actively ignore the other -- a certain sign of bunny love! You can also take them on a scary car ride together. No, I don't mean that you have to drive like a maniac. Virtually ANY car ride is scary for a bunny so all you have to do is put them in the backseat together (with a guardian, just in case true fighting breaks out) and they usually will huddle together for comfort. A little well-placed back scratching produces some licking and -- VIOLA -- you have GROOMING! This clinches the bunny bond! Well, I was going to go for the car ride but decided to try the livingroom instead. And it worked -- we had grooming in less than 10 minutes!!!

A couple more encounters like this (tonight and tomorrow night) and I can move the bunnies in together without worrying. This, my friends, is a very good thing!

Yes, I'll get some bunny pics up soon. They really are remarkably sweet.

2002-02-05T09:48:00.000-06:00

Man oh man, I wish I had something interesting to say today.

I know I should have my pics up. I'll post a couple of the better ones in a few days but I really need to look at them carefully. I'm not very happy with them overall. I took Misha's little digital camera (remember the relatively cheapo one I got him for Christmas?) and was excited at the prospect of taking up to 80(!) hi-res shots. I went wild! I took at least 2 shots of everything I thought was really good! And I had plenty of content, let me tell you! The colors were striking and the people were as wild as the animals! I couldn't wait to get home and see what I got. I ended up taking 60-some pictures. When we got home, I dropped the camera in the garage and the batteries popped out. I was concerned that I might have lost all the shots so I virtually RAN to my computer. No, the shots were there (whew!) but they weren't all good.

Many, many of them are incomplete. They have horizontal colored lines in sections (usually near the bottom). Some just have a few lines but many are obliterated by a third and some by about half.

We've used the camera before and had very good results. Every problem I'd encountered before was completely my fault -- the camera functioned properly. But this is the first time I've had so many shots in the memory. Anyone out there with any advice? Is it just that it's a cheap camera? Was I moving the camera during the shot? Does the memory become unreliable when it reaches capacity? Did dropping the camera have an effect on it?

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

2002-02-04T11:31:00.000-06:00

Well kids, another great weekend was had by all!

Saturday was filled with running and doing and a very special evening. All day with my sweetie -- *SWOON*

Sunday we went were in a parade! YEAH, US! Okay, okay, okay. So, it was the kind of parade that ANYONE could be in -- all you had to do was show up. St. Louis celebrates Mardi Gras in the historic Soulard area. It's two weeks just crammed with fun! Yesterday was the Krewe of St. Barkus Parade followed by the Weiner Dog Races! We didn't get to actually see the dogs race but the parade was full of dachshunds!

This was the first time I've participated in this parade. It was a riot! Everyone brought their pet (mostly dogs but a few cats, a goat, a pig, and a duck) and most of them were decked in amazing costumes. At the very least, they were wearing their beads. A lot of the animals were dressed in football costumes (GO RAMS!!) but then there were others that were just plain wacky! Like the two standard poodles that were dyed -- one a shocking pink and the other a neon blue! And I've never seen so many different breeds in one place! I actually got to pet a Komondor -- what a BEAUTIFUL, sweet dog. My favorites were the two Great Pyrenees we saw. Also bunches of Great Danes!

I was a good little aspiring geek and took the digital camera but many of the pics just didn't turn out. I'll post some of the better ones (once I figure out how -- must refer to Cheeky's earlier notes about this!) and will give you a better accounting of the parade when I have more time.

Now it's off to the gym to walk on the treadmill and read my book (High Exposure by David Breashears)!

Later, kids!

2002-02-01T11:20:00.000-06:00

I did this thing and this is what they said about me:

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others...and it is this need that sometimes will hold you back ... so let go - trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens ...

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that "Life is worth living" and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from .!

Everyone has to compromise at times.. and circumstances are such, that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow...for a time...forgo some of the things you want. The good times are around the corner.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress .. and this is a result of continuous frustration ... You haven't been taking care of all your physical needs... and it's beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate ... someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different .... to be individualistic ... to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely.... but this, being on your own, this being lonely ..often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow - to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire..

VIOLA! Instant blog content!

2002-01-30T12:10:00.000-06:00

See this? See the Lamborghini? It's made of cardboard and was in the Cardboard Regatta several years ago. Won some prizes, too, if I remember right. Here's the page with another shot on it. My nephew conceptualized, designed, and built the entire thing. If you look closely you can see his legs inside the car. I was sooooooooooo proud of him that day!

Now he's attending the Art Institute in Pasadena and I'm helping him with a project for one of his design classes. It's about pets and involves me taking a bunch of pictures of my dog and the dog's stuff. (Very easy with Misha's pen cam!!!)

So cool to see his Lamborghini so unexpectedly!

2002-01-29T09:19:00.000-06:00

So. Notice anything new? Take your time. Look around.

I know it's not a real eye-catcher but it's fine with me. This is not an exercise in programming for me. It's more about letting a lot of you know that I read you daily, enjoy the hell out of your lives, opinions, rants, comments, etc, and I don't want you to think that because I have no links, I don't care about anyone. Not true.

Sure, I'm probably lazy. I really SHOULD do the best I can do -- isn't that what I tell my children? But this is as much as I want to do for now.

I wonder why I blog. It's really because of eRiC and the girlybat that I started a blog. I could call it peer pressure, I guess, but I feel I would be placing myself on a significantly higher level if I considered either one of them my peers.

Actually, this guy (Hunky Tater Boy) turned me on to the whole thing. I did a search for white chili once and got a referral to Jon's site. I dutifully dug through the recipes and then happened upon this daily journal thing. WHOA! What the hell is this? He takes pictures of fantastic food and he discusses current events. This looks like fun! And looky! There's a place to let him know what you think about his ramblings. And other people -- a LOT of other people -- come here, too. And they all say funny shit!

HOO BOY! Can you say, "no more work today!!"

Yes, that was my introduction to the land of blog. Once I noticed that all these other wackos had websites, I was hooked!

"Um, pardon me. But could you remove these files from my desk? I can't be bothered with this stuff. Can't you see I'm busy? I have weblogs to read!"

And now I have a blog and sometimes I wonder why. And why haven't I mentioned it to people in my life? I'm not sure.

2002-01-28T09:08:00.000-06:00

When we watch movies, especially romantic movies, is he reminded of past loves and how they went wrong or is he filled with the hope and passion of our love? I guess I really need to ask him, don't I?

I didn't used to believe in romance and I absolutely would not sit still for a love story. I just couldn't watch them. It was too painful. I also had to stop singing at weddings for a living. In the last 10 years of my marriage, I had only performed for very, very close friends and it was all I could do to keep it together. I would almost always end up going alone and that was better. It was so difficult to watch all the joy and hope on everyone's faces when I felt my own life was hopeless. On the few occasions that my ex-husband went with me, he served as a grim reminder of the reality of my situation -- how very unemotional our relationship was, how unconnected we were, how very little we understood each other. The weekend my best friend got married was absolute hell for me. It was an out of town wedding, back in my neck of the woods, where I grew up. It should have been like going home. The events were fun and light-hearted but I was drenched with depression. The ceremony was beautiful -- very romantic, their vows were lovely and touching. We all cried from the display of love before us and we were all grateful to be included. The reception was a huge party and the next day was filled with more family events. But for me, the entire weekend was clouded by the knowledge that I would have to go home and leave this warmth behind. I didn't want to. I wanted to take some happiness home with me.

During my 18-year marriage, I had many experiences like that. The breaking point came when the cloud never lifted. I knew I had to get out or lose my spirit completely.

I don't look back to relive the misery. No, I want to leave that behind. I look back to measure my progress -- see how far I've come. And I've come a very long way! I'm able to trust someone with my feelings. I'm able to confide in someone again, to tell them what hurts and be certain that my confession won't be used against me in the future. Love doesn't hurt anymore.

Thanks for that.

2002-01-25T10:49:00.000-06:00

It would really be nice if my DATA CODE BOOK didn't have typos! That way, when I run the P values, I wouldn't have to look up every friggin' variable in the database to fix the code book!

I proofread my work. Did the person before me here do that? Apparently not.

But no, I'm not bitter.

2002-01-22T11:02:00.000-06:00

This weekend was a fun, productive time. We had snow Saturday morning when we got up and it was so beautiful. We live in an arboreal forest and our house is mostly surrounded by trees. It was beautiful Ansel Adams day -- each dark trunk and limb outlined with white snow. Breathtaking! Later, we all took a walk in the woods to celebrate winter. We wanted to look for wildlife tracks but the dogs quickly obliterated all evidence that anything other than canine folk had been nearby. I did see one perfect turkey track but it didn't last long. So cute to watch the little dog jumping and running through the snow. She absolutely loves it! The big dog can barely be bothered to cavort any longer. He seems to want to sniff out adventure on his own.

We spent some industrious time looking at real estate. I adore looking at neighborhoods and houses with my sweetie. We have such similar taste that it's a joy to spend time together in this pursuit. What fun it is building a life with him. I'm honored every day to be with him!

Yesterday was spent with check ups and such. Everyone seems to be in good health although the youngest is not looking forward to his new adventure in the land of orthodontic correction. I'm not either, really, but it does need to be done. The combination of small mouth and big teeth doesn't appear to be going very well. And it's not only for the sake of appearance. Some things are difficult for him to eat and he's quite self-conscious about his teeth. He rarely smiles for pictures and it breaks my heart because he's such a happy guy! I'd like for the photos to reveal that.

Anyway, it was a great weekend and I can't wait for the next one to roll around!

2002-01-18T08:59:00.000-06:00

In case I don't get a chance to post much today, I'd like to leave you with this little ditty for the weekend. [WARNING: If you find squirrel nudity offensive, DON'T WATCH THE VIDEO!]

Have fun, kids!

2002-01-17T08:51:00.000-06:00

What a mixture yesterday was. I mean, there was something for everyone: intense working situations combined with bursts of creativity; a very controlled conversation with my ex-husband (be proud of me, that was a hard one); an interesting (unrelated )conversation with my babysitter which I still don't really understand but I know she loves my children very much and of that, I'm glad; a fun, relaxed dinner out with my family and then some gentle rough-housing at home; kissing my children goodnight, marveling on the unique combination of innocence and maturity that they are beginning to show, bursting with pride and love for them, realizing how very empty my life was before they came home; solitude feeding the sweet little bunnies (very soothing to watch such amusing and gentle creatures); and finally a very intimate conversation with the LOML.

I'm reminded every day of how fortunate I am that this man loves me and cares for me. He inspires me to become a better person, push the envelope of my being. I achieve personal goals I wouldn't have otherwise attempted. I see myself differently when I view myself in the context of our love.

Yeah, it really is just that good.

2002-01-16T13:11:00.000-06:00

And I think we all know what kind of searchesTHIS GUY has been doing to get THIS KIND of link!

2002-01-16T11:18:00.000-06:00

I love you!
I love you!
I love you!

Always,
The Button Ho

2002-01-16T11:16:00.000-06:00

2002-01-16T10:52:00.000-06:00

2002-01-16T09:14:00.000-06:00

Move along. There's nothing to see here. Move along, I said.

2002-01-15T14:45:00.000-06:00

Random Stuff:

LOTR was fantastic -- even the small ones liked it. Are they both really that small? Okay, the medium one and the small one both enjoyed it immensely!

I now have my very own locker at the gym at work! No more lugging my bag through the hospital and med school! Go me!

Best part of the whole gym thing? It's free. Yeah, you heard me, FREE! Exercise room, weight room, gym, aerobic and yoga classes, basketball, volleyball on rare occasions, outdoor racquetball and tennis courts very closeby. No excuses now.

Some interesting stuff at work. My career path may turn down a different road. We'll see how that goes.

Can't wait to see my guys tonight. We may have to do something really special tonight. I feel a family night coming on!

2002-01-14T09:15:00.000-06:00

The gypsy at Yahoo just read my palm and she said:

You have a good imagination, and often exhibit sensitivity to others.

(Okay, I really must interject here that I don't really believe in this stuff.))

You have so many interests that you may have trouble deciding which ones to pursue.

(No, really, I don't.)

You are a warm hearted person, with much love to give.

(So then, why did I take the flippin' test, you ask?)

There may be times in your life when you give in to feelings of sadness or depression.

(Well, all my friends were doing it.)

You are likely to make decisions based on intuition or feelings rather than intellect. You do have the capability to detach yourself emotionally and look at situations objectively, but you may not have developed this trait as well as you should.

(Batgrl did it so it MUST be cool if SHE did it.)

Your personality is dynamic and attractive to most people. The more branches you find in your heart line, the more friends and lovers you will have.

(And I'm cool.)

Your optimistic outlook helps increase your problem-solving capabilities.

(I am TOO!)

You have a basically strong constitution, and should enjoy good health most of the time.

(Well, I WANT to be cool.)

You are likely to make many changes in the direction of your life. This may be based on interruptions due to health problems, or it may be that you just have trouble focusing your energy.

(Wait, what was that last part? ". . .trouble focusing. . .?")

There is a strong intuitive side to your nature, which may border on psychic or mystical ability.

(They don't know me at all!)

2002-01-14T07:39:00.000-06:00

Well, isn't this a great way to start the week?

I, ann, want you to think that I am calm, refreshing, and relaxing...

But in reality you all see me as lovable, affectionate, and friendly.

And while we're at it I think sex is really fun, party, and exercise.

Dr. LoKi thinks I need professional help!!!!

[ Take the Psych test...I DARE YOU!!! ]

Perhaps I should explain my views about water. . . .

Or not.

2002-01-11T15:13:00.000-06:00

Oh, and I've been meaning to say something. If I ever get a few minutes, I'm really going to figure out how to put links on my page. If ONEWHOKNOWS can do it, so can I! And lookit, he's got a counter and everything. Man oh man oh man! There goes my weekend!

2002-01-11T14:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, Lee, this one's for you!

I'm having a wonderful day. I really don't think I'm allowed to have this much fun. There's probably something decadent about it.

I have been enjoying a productive morning filled with creative dialogue between my boss and I. Happens all the time. I love it! I had a fantastic lunch with the funniest women I know. We spent so much time laughing, there wasn't enough time to eat so we simply had to stay longer. I'll finish a long project today, can look it over on the weekend, edit it, and be done with it Monday (this will be a VERY good thing). And I get to go home to the LOML in just over 3 hours. It doesn't get any better than this! Well, I guess it could but then I'd be on a beach in Aruba, very far away from computers, phones, and commitments. Just me and the Love Monkey playing in the surf.

So, the show was REALLY good last night! I was not prepared to like it as much as I did. I mean, I was REALLY looking forward to it but I wasn't all that crazy about the doo-wop theme. I don't think I'm a music snob but even though I am ancient (42, thank you very much), I don't have any fond memories of doo-wop. (I got in on the tail end of Motown's popularity.) And most of the music last night was doo-wop with some other stuff thrown in. Well, I loved almost all of it. The singing was fantastic (an all-Equity cast)! Each singer was remarkable! The tenors made me misty. And I was totally unprepared for the ending. The story deals with racial issues against the backdrop of the 60s. In the end, the young black guy dies at the hand of one of the white guys (altho it's an accident, it's still in the middle of a fight). I tried desperately not to cry the last 10 minutes of the play but I couldn't steel myself against the words of the song. I finally had to admit that it touched me deeply and let the tears run down my face. It was a moving story with too many vocal highlights to list. My all-time favorite line is: "I could out-sing you with food in my mouth!" (I'm going to have to remember that! There's this one mezzo in the chamber chorus. . . . . Actually, it's the other way round. THEY could all out-sing ME with food in their mouths. Cookies, most probably!)

Anyway, it's a play I highly recommend. The story's good -- REAL good -- but the singing will break your heart if rendered well.

Well, that's it for here. I probably won't be on over the weekend so don't worry about us. My sweetie is doing very well (he enjoyed getting out last night) and we have lots of stuff planned for the weekend. Mainly, some major cleaning and organizing. We need to start going through everything in the house NOW if we're going to be ready to move anytime this spring or summer. We also need to start some painting and other minor home improvements to get the house ready to sell. I'm anxious to move -- ready to leave the memories of this house very far behind me!

Well, have fun kids! See everyone bright and early Monday morning!

2002-01-10T08:24:00.000-06:00

Good morning, kids!

It's a beautiful morning here and my heart is overflowing with joy. As I drove to work, I was able to enjoy the most spectacular sunrise I've seen in awhile. Soft pinks and blues streaked with a vivid orange-pink splashed across the sky while an interesting combination of cloud formations gave it texture. Absolutely beautiful. Few things in life inspire me to paint as much as a sunrise or sunset. Those are the times I want to stop whatever I'm doing and work with color. It also reminds me that I need to start carrying some sort of camera with me at all times.

I'm looking forward to a productive day at the office. For once, I believe I'm ready for our weekly project meeting. How in the hell did that happen?

This evening, the love of my life (hereafter referred to as LOML) and I are going to the Rep tonight to seeAvenue X. It's an a capella musical and I believe I'll know some of the cast members. There really isn't much call for professional a capella/chamber musicians so seeing an entire cast of them will be a moving event, I'm sure. It will enthrall me and hold me in rapt attention, I'm certain. But it will probably also make me long to perform again. *heavy sigh* I'm certain I'll go back to semi-professional status in the next couple years. I need the emotional, creative release afforded me by performing chamber music. I also find a sort of meditation in the learning and performing of the music. It's one of the few times I have no room in my brain for anything but the task at hand. There's no time or energy for worry or stress. I'm completely relieved.

I used to find that level of concentration when I played the piano as well. I would be concentrating so intensely, reading the music on some subliminal level, then I would hear a noise or for some other reason, come back to reality and be utterly lost in my music. Sometimes I would find myself on a completely different page of the score than what I had just played. It was heaven to feel that level of intensity throughout an entire piece. I don't play much anymore due to health reasons and I'm certainly not at the top of my piano ability which makes my singing so much more important now.

But here I sit in front of my computer writing research progress reports. Another heavy sigh. Actually, I'm not disappointed with my career choices. I was inches away from attending the Chicago Conservatory but decided against it. I've spent very little time regretting it because my music has been my release rather than a job. And, I recognized some very important personality traits of my own: I have very little discipline which would make me a mediocre performer. I've practiced 6-8 hours a day to get ready for a big event. I know what that's like and I don't think I would be able to maintain that level of commitment. I've also been involved in repeat performances of the same material and believe me, it's so very difficult to keep the performance alive and fresh when you know every single movement, note, line, and inflection around you. I don't have that ability either. I crave change, I need something new to challenge me every day. That's why singing with the SLCC is so good for me. We put together a 1.5-2 hr show within 4-6 weeks. Rehearsals are extremely intense because the music is very challenging. We've performed every major language of the world and many forms of Latin. The group is small for the sound we make (usually no more than 50-60 onstage) and many times, the choir is divided into so many sections that you may be alone on a part -- better get it right! And when I listen to any of our CDs, I'm amazed that my voice contributed to that sound.

I wish I could give you guys a listen but we don't have anything online. But if you like choral chamber music, why not order a CD or two?

HINT HINT

Well, this turned into quite an artistic ramble, did it not?

2002-01-09T15:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, blame Lee for this one.

My Spirit Animal is the Wolf!

Cycle of Power: Year Round - Full Moons - Twilight

Aspects: Guardianship, Loyalty, Leadership, Ritual and Spirit.

Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

But I'd rather be

My Spirit Animal is the Raven!

Cycle of Power: Winter Solstice

Aspects: Magick, Shapeshifting and Creation
Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

I could be very happy being

My Spirit Animal is the Elk!

Cycle of Power: Autumn

Aspects:Strength and Nobility
Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

and wouldn't it be really cool to be

My Spirit Animal is the Dragon!

Cycle of Power: Varies

Aspects: Magick, Shapeshifting, Element Kinship

The Aspects of the dragon vary by elemental alignment.
Click here
to discover your spirit animal!

This test made by Celtic_Shamanes

I really like these tests that give you a few different options. Saves me the trouble of hitting the back button to see what else I might have landed.

Wait till Andrey hears that I'm a dragon! He'll eat his green beans then, dagnabbit!

Well, kids, I'm out of here a bit early today. I need to go by my parents' house and check on my mother. She's taking her vitamin C as I've asked and she says she's feeling better but I'm a bit nervous about her health. She's 79, after all, and the only mother I have!

Then, I think I'll get my hair drastically cut. I desperately need to reinvent myself again!

And if you stop by, please do check out the comfort food potluck (previous post). I'd love to hear what everyone likes!

2002-01-09T11:06:00.000-06:00

Well, blogger seems to want to work. We'll see how it goes.

Okay, I've been thinking about dinner parties. I'm feeling a little socially deprived and I think I need to host a big party to help me get over it. I used to entertain often, usually impromptu parties. I'm trying to remember when I last hosted a party and honestly can't remember. That's very sad for me! This feeling I have is just another sign that I'm slowly getting back to the person I used to be (and want to be again).

I've been mulling over the menu and was pretty comfortable with the idea of French onion soup (I have a GREAT recipe somewhere) and French cut prime rib (prepared on the grill -- really stunning!) and would round out things with a mixed salad, the right bread, a veggie of some sort, and a rice or grain dish. Dessert would be either trifle or clafouty or something else fruity.

But, instead, I had what I hope is a good idea. I'm thinking of asking people to bring their favorite comfort foods along with a story about the dish. Bring enough for everyone to share. I don't care if it's chips and dip, if it makes you happy, bring it and tell us why. We'll eat some with you and we'll all feel good. I realize the risk in this, of course, is that the meal won't be very balanced. I rather doubt someone's going to bring a green salad or some asparagus as their comfort food. Likewise, I run the risk of having 5 dishes of macaroni and cheese on the table. But I think I'm going to do it because it's not about the food collectively. It's about the meal we share as friends, indulging in our memories and loving each other enough to share a part of our history.

I wish I could invite you all to my home but I guess we'll have to make do with a virtual party. Come on over! Put your dish on the table, get the beverage of your choice, and tell me your story. I'll go first:

I have two comfort foods. The first is chocolate pudding. I love to eat it warm with milk. And yes, the skin is the best part! My mom used to make chocolate pudding for me during the winter. I'd run in the door from the school bus and would usually find some sort of warm snack waiting for me. Sometimes cookies or brownies, but my favorite was always chocolate pudding. YUM!

My second comfort food is potato salad. But not just any potato salad, it MUST be yellow! And it must be made with my mother's sweet pickles. I've yet to find any other pickle that is as good as my mother's. I simply must learn how to make those! My mom had always made potato salad but didn't put mustard in it. I always refused it. When my grandmother died, a neighbor brought YELLOW potato salad and I immediately loved it. Potato salad hasn't been the same in our family ever since. When our family gathers, either my mother or I are charged with making the potato salad. It takes forever to cook the potatoes and eggs, then chop everything just right, make the dressing and balance the seasonings. But it's always worth it!

Now it's your turn!

2002-01-08T10:08:00.000-06:00

Just call me nursemaid Annie. The Love Monkey is not feeling well at all and it's so difficult to see him in pain. I've been making anything soft that he thinks he can eat. Made some really good white cheddar pasta last night -- YUM! Also high on the list right now is the custard made with egg nog, creamy potato soup, and pearsauce. Seems I've found my culinary niche -- anything that can be sucked up through a straw! LOL I'm hoping he turns a corner soon and the pain starts lessening.

My parents are also sick. Nothing life-threatening but they've both had pretty bad colds and it's required more attention on my part. It's tricky because I want to be there to take care of them but the last thing I need is to expose my sweetie to a cold or virus. I've been checking on them regularly and have taken some food to them a couple times. They both loved the beef stew I made over the weekend (nice to be able to please both of them, it's rare!) and plan to make stuffed pork chops for them tonight.

I have many things on my mind but no time to relate them. Will try to get back in here soon to do just that. Thanks for checking in on us!

2002-01-04T21:17:00.000-06:00

Just got back from my evening visit with my guy. He's doing remarkably well. He's eating and drinking despite the pain when he swallows and he's talking up a storm. We took several walks around the floor (yeah, I know it's exciting -- what else is there to do in a hospital?) but mostly we just stayed in his room and talked. Seems we can talk about anything and nothing for hours. (I just love that!)

I felt like I was 16 again. See, instead of positioning a chair at his bedside, I chose to sit in the bed with him. Oh come on, now, we weren't doing anything! Well, not really. Okay, okay, there was a little touchy-feely but only the slightest bit and certainly not when anyone came in the room. But I was still on the bed with him -- sitting up, fully clothed, and all that. It reminded me of my very early years working in a hospital and hearing the staff talk about stuff like that. Some thought it disgusting and others didn't care. We did get some very interesting looks, though. Bottom line: I don't really care but I did feel as if I were breaking some sort of RULE. Think maybe that was why I enjoyed it so much?

Well, I'm packing up my stuff and I'm heading home. I think I've seen enough of this medical center today.

Night kids. Feel free to stick around just turn off the lights on your way out.

2002-01-04T14:24:00.000-06:00

Well, Monkey Boy is in his room and I've just returned from a visit. He's doing remarkably well -- sore throat of course but he's actually talking quite a bit. I imagine he still has a fair amount of pain med on board. It'll probably hit him a little harder this afternoon.

In my discussion with his surgeon, I was warned that the riskiest period in the recouperation is 7-10 days post-op. This is when the scabs are fairly well-formed but healing is not complete. If the scabs are dislodged early, it could result in hemorrhage. Of course, he's to eat soft foods for the next 10 days; stay hydrated; drink lots of cold water and other fluids; stay away from acidic juices or fruits. Pretty basic stuff, really.

We'll also pump up his intake of certain supplements, minerals, and vitamins. Amazing what a role they play in healing and granulation tissue formation. (On a side note, I was so very pleasantly surprised to recognize one of the reference books at the Pain Clinic the other day. I was over there picking up some files to review and stopped to browse the reference section. The Pain Clinic here is multidisciplinary and many forms of treatment are used. The physician I work for uses acupuncture (trigger point therapy) and massage therapy. So, I know they embrace the use of supplements and other complementary/alternative medicine techniques. Anyway, I found a well-worn copy of my favorite personal reference book on their shelves. Nice to know I've been reading the right stuff!)

He'll be in the hospital tonight but can come home first thing in the morning. I'm sure going to miss him tonight!

2002-01-04T13:22:00.000-06:00

What the hell?

Which Brady Bunch kid are you most like?

2002-01-04T09:15:00.000-06:00

I was up waaaaaaaaaaay too late last night and got out of bed waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early this morning. Please wake me if I happen to nod off during this post.

The Love Monkey is having surgery today -- a minor thing, really. We got here at 6 AM which means we left the house at 5 which means the alarm went off at 4. Good Lord, what am I doing here? Anyway, I was able to hang with him in the surgery center until they took him in. He looked so cute with his surgical cap on. Oh yeah, I wanted him!

I wish I knew a few more of the anesthesiologists at the north campus. I'm so removed from the surgical aspect of my department, I don't know many of them at all. The anesthesiologist who started his IV this morning looked familiar but I couldn't remember his name. I've probably seen him at some departmental events. It would have been reassuring to know who would be in the OR with him.

So, he's having a tonsillectomy and some sort of repair of the uvula. The surgery is no big deal (of course, there's always some modicum of risk) and I'm not worried about that but I'm not looking forward to his recovery. Why? Well, it's going to hurt, damn it, and I just hate the thought of him having any pain or discomfort. Plus, he won't be able to talk for awhile or sing. That means, he won't sing me to sleep for awhile. And he won't be humming around the house -- man, I love that about him!

We stopped at Ultimate Electronics again last night. We're in the process of buying a DVD (CD, CD-R, CD-RW also) player and receiver. It's been about 10 years since I looked at any electronic stuff and it's changed drastically. We have speakers (Technics) but will upgrade after we move so we wanted to check out speakers. Since we were sorely disappointed in their selection of demo CDs, we took a few of our own. We both listen to a wide range of music but nothing that's real bass-heavy. We listened to a little Robin-Nolan Trio. [ If you haven't heard these guys, you MUST! We saw them in concert awhile ago and would travel anywhere to see them again. They have many CDs but only one that we could find available in the US. Mediterranean Blues is a wonderful collection. I highly recommend it. Preview some of the tracks at Amazon.com then buy it!] We also took some of the SLCC CDs because I'm just that vain. [Yes, I sing with them -- I'm a mezzo. If you go to the past personnel page, you'll see me there. I'm also on most of their CDs. I miss it this year but that's nother story.] Well, really, it's difficult to get a good listen to the chamber chorus in a large room (unless they're performing, of course). I seem to be much happier listening in a smaller setting or with headphones but maybe that's what most closely resembles performance -- not sure. Anyway, the effect was fantastic and I'm sure that when we upgrade, we'll get the Klipsch or Boston. On the other hand, I'm not so sure I want to hear the top end so clearly -- some of our entrances weren't that great. LOL

And we looked at receivers. Yamaha is certainly what we'll get -- not sure of the model number. But I have to say right now that I don't like the new pre-set mixes that have come to replace the equalizer. I don't mind starting with somebody else's idea of how my music should sound but I was really hoping to be able to use my equalizer to tweak the sound a bit more. Just one more thing out of my control. *heavy sigh*

2002-01-03T15:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, I think I'll just repeat today's previous entries for now. If you're just dying to read something else again, let me know. I'll grab it and slap it up here.

Meanwhile, I just can't tell you how totally in love with my comments I am. Leave me one, why don't you?

WOOHOO!

2002-01-03T15:47:00.000-06:00

I am a sucker for fur. Yep, that's right. I completely come unglued when I see some cute little furry creature looking up at me. I think a lot of it comes from being raised on a farm and being surrounded by animals. Our barn was heavily populated with cats (at the peak of feline population, we had over 30 cats that we claimed as ours) and we raised pedigreed beagles. Needless to say, I always had a puppy or kitten to play with.

But it didn't stop there. During my childhood, we raised cattle and hogs. I remember several cold nights when my dad would bring a newly born calf into the house to keep it warm. I would hear the commotion in the kitchen and run downstairs with my blanket. It was okay for me to cuddle with the calf on the floor once it was cleaned. I remember petting and cooing to many a little red and white calf, coaxing it to drink from the bottle, nuzzling its ears and neck. How I loved those animals!

I loved the baby pigs, too. In fact, I've mentioned this to several of my scientist friends: I would greatly appreciate it if you science-types could generate a miniature pig that looks like a baby pig (and stays that way)! The miniature pigs now have pot-bellies and don't at all resemble a baby (or they don't age well). It's probably just as well. If they existed, I'd have to have one, or two, or five.

Currently, I'm not allowed to visit the Humane Society. This is difficult since I'm a member of the House Rabbit Society and this is where they have their monthly meetings. Okay, I can GO to the Humane Society but I CANNOT look in the rooms where they house ANYTHING WITH FUR! I'm very prone to telecommunication, you see. Rabbits are VERY good at this. First, they hop about in a very cute manner within their cage. This is to get my attention. Then, they send me telepathic messages (those really aren't ears, they're antennae) and beg me to notice how sweet and well-behaved they are. This has happened more times than I care to recount. Because of this, I now have 4, count 'em, FOUR, rabbits.

Yes, I know, it's too many. No, they won't make more because they've all been neutered or spayed (which I'd like to take the opportunity now to emphasize how important this is with all pets -- go HERE for more info). And yes, they DO eat me out of house and home but they continue to send me telepathic messages regarding their cuteness (somehow, comments about their own behavior have ceased along with the good behavior!!).

Right now, the rabbits live in pens in the basement. It's not ideal because I'd love to have them upstairs with us, so we can interact with them more often. They really are good pets if you can circumvent the rabbity behavior. By that I mean, rabbits communicate in lots of non-verbal ways and they tend to explore things with their teeth. This is hazardous to wires, cords, cables, etc. You have to cover those things with a hard plastic cover to discourage chewing. Other items that get chewed include: carpet, baseboards, books, magazines, newspapers, action figures, Legos, shoes (especially the shoestrings), dog toys, pens, pencils, Christmas presents, Christmas trees, ornaments on the Christmas trees, and the list goes on. And don't think that you can eliminate the problem by placing the enticing items on a chair or table. Nope! They can JUMP. Yeah, I know, it's a little known fact about rabbits. But the truth is, they jump a lot and some have no fear at all of heights. I've known a couple who love to sit on the back of the couch, surveying events in the livingroom as well as in the front yard.

I have many more rabbit stories to share but for now, I'd like to direct your attention to the Bad Bunny List. Even if you don't have a bunny, you'll enjoy this list. Here's the Bad Dog List and yes, there's also the Bad Kitty List. I'm stopping with the Bad Bird List. I'm sure Harold has a list for many more species (ferrets, hamsters, guinea pigs, etc.) but I'll let you do the search.

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

2002-01-03T15:46:00.000-06:00

Just got back from the St. Louis Science Center where we saw Amazing Caves at the Omnimax theatre. IT WAS AMAZING! If you like adventure, you'll love this movie. They showed a lot of underwater cave exploration and it almost made my heart stop. That, and some of the kayaking scenes. (I may live to regret seeing this show. The Love Monkey wants to go kayaking now. OY!)

The movie focused on two women -- one a microbiologist looking for extremophiles (microorganisms able to survive extreme conditions) and one an elementary school teacher/cave explorer -- and their expeditions. If you want to know more about the two women, their site is here.

What a wonderful way to spend my lunch hour!

2002-01-03T15:44:00.000-06:00

COMMENTS! I HAVE COMMENTS!

YEAH, ME!!!!!

Come over, kids!! I'm transferring the last few diaryland posts so you can tell me how much you love me!

2002-01-03T15:41:00.000-06:00

Comments, anyone?

2002-01-03T15:32:00.000-06:00

Well that seemed easy enough.